I Was Once A Fool

I ate what was fed to me by the spoonfuls.

I believed that there was something wrong with me for feeling, seeing and knowing the things that contradicted what everyone else around me (and on tv) was saying and doing.

Am I an alien? How can this be possible? Am I the only one? Why can’t they understand things like I do?

I changed, I shrunk, I conformed, I complied, followed the rules, ate their fears and doubt and stopped dreaming,

did

the

right

thing.

This muddled my Soul.

I am forever grateful to have had several manic episodes in my early adult years that literally shook me to the core.

That, woke me up.

That, cracked my ego and allowed me to see without the blinders, to see the world, people, systems and institutions for exactly what they are.

The mental breaks were glorious moments (in hindsight not during - that was a living nightmare.)

Younger Suse needed to break in order to uncover, unlearn, abolish, remember and rebuild in many ways.

It has been a long long journey. 13 years to be exact; since being hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar-1.

Many years of doing my own research. Without surprise - they don’t have a handbook on how to navigate living with any sort of mental health challenge.

The following is a list of some of the things I’ve experimented with that have supported me on this healing journey:

+Learning and implementing a variety of healing practices:

Dance

Hatha yoga

Functional movement

Weightlifting

Qi gong

Restorative yoga

Swimming

TRE

Breathwork

Kundalini yoga

Visualization meditation

Yoga nidra

Sensory deprivation (float),

Chanting

Mantras

Tao healing hands

Heat exposure and Cold exposure therapies

Art making

Ceremonial and ritual practices

Crystal healing

Tarot and oracle card readings

Colour therapy

+Eating mindfully:

Learning how crucial food is as medicine, for our mental wellbeing and overall health/function of our brains.

+Working with professionals:

Holistic therapists

Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioners

Holistic bodywork practitioners

Massage therapists

Coaches

Energy healers

Spiritual teachers and mentors

Shamans and witches

+ Reading a lot of books!

It’s been a slow steady process with plenty of set backs and mistakes too.

Grateful to have found a rhythm that allows me to live well.

Thank you for cracking me open!

Thank you for giving me the change to rebuild!

Thank you for the gifts!