Holding Space for Pain and Suicidal Ideation with Loving-Kindness

When it comes to suicide ideation, we often feel the urgent need to fix, solve, or eradicate the suffering. This is a natural impulse—we care deeply for ourselves and others, and the idea of someone we love, or even ourselves, struggling with thoughts of suicide can feel unbearable. We want to swoop in, take charge, and make everything better. But what if we approached this intense suffering not with the goal of eradicating it, but from the perspective of loving-kindness, or maitri?

What if we applied the Buddhist loving-kindness practice to suicidal ideation? With loving-kindness, we’re not trying to live up to some kind of ideal—quite the opposite. We’re simply being with our experiences, exactly as they are. This principle of mindfulness and presence can be a supportive guide when we consider how to support ourselves and others through the darkest times, including moments of suicidal ideation.

Loving-kindness is not about pretending that everything is okay. It’s not about forcing ourselves or someone else to feel better, or to suddenly find joy where there’s only despair. Maitri teaches us to be with what is—to sit with our experiences, no matter how painful or terrifying they may be.

Imagine sitting with someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts. Instead of rushing to offer solutions, we could start by simply being present with them. We can listen without judgment, without the need to say the perfect thing or to fix the situation. We can acknowledge their pain, validate their experience, and, most importantly, hold space for whatever they’re going through.

This approach is not about encouraging someone to stay in pain, but rather about recognizing that their current state of mind is part of their lived experience. If they’re feeling overwhelmed, scared, or hopeless, those feelings deserve to be seen, honoured and acknowledged. By practicing maitri, we let go of the need to control the situation. We let go of the idea that we must fix them or that they need to be “better.” Instead, we offer them the most profound gift of all our unconditional presence.

“This very moment is the perfect teacher, and it’s always with us.” This line and teaching from Pema Chödrön resonates deeply when we think about how to approach something as delicate and complex as suicide ideation. The very act of being present with someone, of seeing and accepting them exactly as they are, is the teaching. It’s a reminder that awareness doesn’t just exist in the happy, peaceful moments. It’s found in our pain, our confusion, and even in our darkest hours.

For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, this loving presence can make a world of difference. When they’re caught in the throes of despair, being met with love and acceptance rather than fear and control can be incredibly healing. It tells them that they are not alone, that their pain is seen, and that they are worthy of compassion, just as they are.

When professionals, friends, or family members approach someone with suicidal ideation with love, rather than simply focusing on the problem to be fixed, it creates an environment of trust and safety.

As we apply loving-kindness to those experiencing suicide ideation, we remember that we’re not striving to make the pain go away or to force someone to become a “better” version of themselves. Instead, we’re giving up control altogether. We’re letting concepts and ideals fall apart and embracing the messy, complex reality of being human. We’re choosing to be present with someone in their pain, to witness their experience without trying to change it, and to offer the profound gift of loving-kindness, no matter what.

Maitri is about recognizing that every experience, no matter how painful, is part of our journey and that by staying present, we can offer the deepest form of support—unconditional love.